Quick Guide: Is Self-care selfish when you have FND?

Is self-care, selfish when you have FND? HELL NO!!! It is a requirement, actually is a requirement for everyone, but it is a non-negotiable if you have been diagnosed with FND. I know, I hear you…. The thought in the back or front of your mind saying that it is selfish to indulge in self-care. But what if it isn’t indulging… what if we reframe our thoughts of self-care from being indulging behaviour to being a sanction – providing you with the order or at least permission to engage.

Why should we look at it as being an order? Because it is how we are all able keep going. Self-care is what oil is for a car, without it, damage occurs. We don’t ever question maintaining our cars, because we know the car needs it and we don’t want to risk seizing the engine. Like oil, self-care keeps all of our parts: physical, mental and emotional, well cared for. It helps us to remain happy and healthy by lowering our risks of illness as well as increasing our resilience to stress.

Previously, I talked about how my body tells me to take the time to recharge, but what does recharging look like… To help keep my battery going, I need the big 5:

• Good sleep and enough of it! I do not function on less than 7-8 hours every night, with a weekly (sometimes more) 10-12 hours as well. 
• Healthy eating. One of the hardest for me, after a long day I am too tired and drained to cook – I am continually exploring solutions to combat this, but for now I focus on ensuring at least one meal has some quality vegetables and meat.
• Body movement. The hardest thing to do – I have never been much into exercise and now my muscles and joints ache and creak but even a 5 minute dance party can be more than what I did yesterday and that’s something.
• Connecting with people (or for me at times disconnect from people for the evening and enjoy a good book), and
• Engaging in activities that I enjoy. Cue pulling out my Cricut machine.

I know that social media portrays self-care is a luxury weekend away or a pampering session at a Day Spa, though these may sound great and it will be certainly something to look forward to, I cannot afford them frequently enough. A Day Spa appointment next year is not going to help me when I need strategies this week Monday morning, Wednesday afternoon or by Friday lunch. It does not help me with the daily grind. So, what does??

• Planning my day, week and month.
• Turning off my phone and having no distractions.
• Breath work – Smell the roses and blow out the candles imagery helps my daughter and I.
• Cooking or ordering my favourite meal and taking the time to savour it.
• The company of family or friends.
• Reading (or writing) a book/blog.
• Engaging my creative side by participating in arts and craft activities.
• Completing a jigsaw puzzle.
• Restoring a piece of furniture or some other DIY project.
• Spending time in nature including caring for our own indoor or outdoor gardens.
• Mindfulness activities that help my muscles to relax.
• Meditation practices. I use a favourite image and envision it in my mind’s eye for a minute or so.
• Maintaining a gratitude journal.
• Journalling thoughts and feelings are especially important for those with FND, it assists the connection between thoughts, feelings and body.
• At home pampering session – shower or bath. I love shower steamers for the aroma.
• Goblin mode.

I may not engage in all of these activities every day, but I do ensure I participate in some. Plus, now I have a playbook – a list of my favourites that is tried and tested. So, when I am feeling the need to really take some time, I can plan for it and ensure I have the materials needed – yes, I am talking about another DIY project.

There is a plethora of information and even apps to provide ideas or information and just as many activities to engage in whether its 5 minutes or 5 hours. The main thing is to give yourself permission, preferably an order to look after you, find what you enjoy and DO IT. Self-care is not selfish when you have FND, it is maintenance.